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William F. Buckley raises a smile - and sometimes an eyebrow - with these tart, hilarious exchanges with his readers
Cancel Your Own Goddam Subscription
by William F. Buckley
National Review has been hearing from its readers ever since William F. Buckley, Jr. founded the magazine in 1955 -- but not all of this correspondence was formal "Letters to the Editor." After a decade, the editors decided that some of the more unusual communications deserved a wider audience than just the National Review staff -- and thus began the "Notes & Asides" column, in which Buckley personally responded to the most notable and outrageous letters. Now, in Cancel Your Own Goddam Subscription: Notes and Asides from National Review, Buckley has assembled his favorite exchanges from over four decades -- painting a sometimes hilarious, sometimes sobering picture of the friends and opponents of National Review.
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Included here are uproarious exchanges with ordinary readers -- and illuminating letters from such figures as Ronald Reagan, Eric Sevareid, Richard Nixon, A. M. Rosenthal, Auberon Waugh, John Kenneth Galbraith, Charlton Heston, and Arthur Schlesinger Jr. With additional commentary by Buckley, Cancel Your Own Goddam Subscription doubles as an alternate history of the United States in the latter half of the twentieth century. And whether he's being criticized about his hair and posture or being indicted for war crimes by a protest group, Buckley delights -- always keeping the last word for himself.
A few of the briefest samples:
Dear Mr. Buckley:
Recently it was my pleasure and privilege to renew my subscription. Through this process I acquire a nice collection of books and lend a little help to your good effort. However, I found myself wondering when my subscription did expire. And further, would I live long enough to enjoy all issues? Do you have any inside dope? In case I should leave this nice place too soon, could you forward all remaining issues?
Thank you,
Bill Ivins
Murrieta, Calif.
Dear Mr. Ivins: Where you're headed, NR is exfoliated daily from angels' wings.
Cordially, WFB
Dear Mr. Buckley:
Hello! I am running for President of the U.S.A. I would like your friendship and help. Bye.
Yours,
Louis Ramsey
Chicago, Ill.
Dear Mr. Ramsey: Hello! I urge you to enter all the Democratic primaries. You are manifestly better qualified than the most conspicuous contenders. Bye.
Cordially, WFB.
Dear Mr. Buckley:
If a liberal calls me a Fascist because I am a conservative, what should I do? Should I:
a) diplomatically ignore the hyperbole;
b) say: "When I become dictator, you'll go into the camps!"; or
c) duke him/her out?
I'm inclinded toward c), but, being a Midwesterner, I am oblivious to such matters of etiquette. What is the proper response? Any suggestions would be appreciated greatly.
Yours semi-sincerely,
Jeff Tutt
Michigan City, Ind.
Dear Mr. Tutt: You might try, "That's what all the Communists say about me." Granted, that sort of thing is tu quoque. But fascists are famous for that...
Cordially, WFB
Dear Bill:
Three cheers to Dr. Ross Terrill. He slashed you to bits as you have been doing to yourself for the past year. Cancel my subscription.
Wm. W. Morris
Green Valley, Ariz.
Dear Mr. Morris: Cancel your own goddam subscription.
Cordially, WFB
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