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How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)

Author: Ann Coulter
Publisher: Crown Forum • 2005 • 496 pages
4.58 out of 5 • View Ratings Details • 43 Ratings

She’s the author of three New York Times bestsellers: “Slander”, “Treason”, and “High Crimes and Misdemeanors.” She’s the most high-profile and controversial conservative intellectual on the scene today. Yet most publications find her too hot to handle. Her syndicated column, although brimming with her trademark wit and incisive political observations, appears in only a handful of papers. But now, in “How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must),” Coulter collects the best of those columns, including some that no one dared to print before.

In this book, Coulter explains, are “bootlegs, never-released versions, NC-17 versions, lost classics, remixes, extended-play versions, and the director’s cut columns.” She has included here “columns too hot to be published until now — along with the editors’ rejections. These columns, as well as any columns that caused more than the usual ruckus (like my 9/11 ‘kill their leaders’ column) I preserved in their original form — so you can see what the fuss was about. Some columns I added a little to and some I added so much to that they grew from short columns to entire chapters (e.g., the Elián González and Confederate flag chapters). Even the unretouched columns are my unretouched columns, as they live on my computer — which was not always the same as the published version.”

Here, then, is the unexpurgated Ann Coulter, unrestrained by cowering editors and politically correct publishers. “How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)” includes Coulter’s unvarnished take on everything from John Kerry to the essence of being a liberal (“The absolute conviction that there is one set of rules for you, and another, completely different set of rules for everyone else”), from the media’s war on guns to America’s war on terrorism (“I am often asked if I still think we should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity. The answer is: Now more than ever”), from the outrageous bias of the New York Times to the self-serving bloat of Bill Clinton’s memoirs.

A sampling of Ann Coulter’s riotous and dead-on wit on:

  • The Iraq war and the Democrats: “John Kerry has said that we need to ‘de-Americanize’ the war — I guess on the theory that the ‘de-Americanizing’ process has worked so well for the Democratic Party”
  • Gay marriage: “Gays usually bring up the argument about all the straight couples living in ‘sham’ marriages, but I see no point in dragging the Clintons into this”
  • Liberals and the military: “The only time liberals pretend to like the military is when they claim to love soldiers so much they don’t want them to get hurt fighting a war”
  • Media bias: “Fox News should agree to admit it is conservative if all other media outlets will admit they are liberal”
  • Modern anti-Christian bias: “There is no surer proof of Christ’s divinity than that he is still so hated some 2,000 years after his death”
  • Journalistic standards: “The only standard journalists respect is: Will this story promote the left-wing agenda?”
  • Slick Willie: “What actually happened during the Clinton presidency? No one can remember anything about it except the bimbos, the lies, and the felonies”
  • Hillary’s memoirs: “Hillary has already gotten a record $8 million advance from Simon & Schuster for the book — reportedly the most anyone has ever received for rewriting history”
  • The Democrats: “The current Democratic Party is a crowd of idle, rich degenerates, the likes of which hasn’t existed since the czar’s court”
  • Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl exhibitionism: “Even CBS executives were enraged by MTV’s halftime show, saying they could have gotten the identical show from National Geographic for a fraction of the price”
  • The Confederate flag controversy: “It is outrageous for Northern liberals and race demagogues to try to turn the Confederate flag into a badge of shame, in the process spitting on America’s gallant warrior class”
  • The Episcopal church: “The Episcopalians don’t demand much in the way of actual religious belief. They have girl priests, gay priests, gay bishops, gay marriages — it’s much like the New York Times editorial board”
  • Kerry and tax cuts: “If Democrats want to talk about middle-class tax cuts, couldn’t they nominate someone who hasn’t been a poodle to rich women for the past thirty-three years?”
  • Hugh Hefner: “Like the Democrats, Playboy just wants to liberate women to behave like pigs, have sex without consequences, prance about naked, and abort children”
  • The New York Times’s war coverage: “Apparently, the Times’s stylebook now requires all reports of violence anywhere within 1,000 miles of Iraq to be dated from Bush’s speech declaring an end to ‘major combat’ operations”
  • The Times and crime: “The only cop the New York Times likes is the one in the Village People”
  • The parties: “Both parties run for office as conservatives. Once they have fooled the voters and are safely in office, Republicans sometimes double-cross the voters. Democrats always do”
  • Islamic terrorism and liberals: “The Times was rushing to assure its readers that ‘prominent Islamic scholars and theologians in the West say unequivocally that nothing in Islam countenances the Sept. 11 actions.’ (That’s if you set aside Muhammad’s many specific instructions to kill nonbelievers whenever possible)”
  • Liberals and Christianity: “The only religion that can be constantly defamed and insulted is the one liberals pretend to be terrified of”
  • Liberal eulogies for Reagan: “The lesson to draw from what liberals said about Reagan then and what they are forced to say about him now is that the electable Republican is always the one liberals are calling an extremist, Armageddon-believing religious zealot”

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